writing – Joe Monson – SF Editor & Author

Of parodies and quarantines

Posted on March 31, 2020 - March 31, 2020 by Joe

Stylized drawing of a Japanese man picking his nose with a small stick — Untitled work by Hokusai.

Everyone in the world seems to be under quarantine (of one level or another) right now thanks to the COVID-19 coronavirus. One of the effects is many people working from home as we practice the recommended “social distancing” to help slow the spread of the illness. This means more interaction with family members and exposure to things we might not otherwise hear.

For instance, my three-year-old daughter loves to listen to music and dance to it. During a recent session of this, she suddenly stopped and came over to the iPhone that was playing the music. After listening carefully, she burst out laughing and started repeating what she thought was some of the lyrics to it. As with many small kids (and even adults, sometimes), she misheard the lyrics, but that only made it funnier to her. She kept laughing and repeating her version.

People often ask writers where they get inspiration. The honest answer is: everywhere. Therefore, in the spirit of Weird Al Yankovic, I present the following parody for your enjoyment.

“Booger Face”

(to “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga)

Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah

I wanna pick ‘em like they do in toddler days
Dig ‘em let me stretch ‘em roll it baby blow with me, I love it
Snot and inhibition pick the best from in the dark
And after it’s been hooked I’ll flick it clean across the park

Oh, oh, oh
I’ll dig ‘em out, show off all my snot
Oh, oh, oh
I’ll flick them off, show off all my snot

Chorus
Can’t clean my, can’t clean my
No he can’t clean my booger face
(She’s got to clean nobody)
Can’t clean my, can’t clean my
No he can’t clean my booger face
(She’s got to clean nobody)

B-b-b-booger face, b-b-b-booger face
(Mum mum mum mah)
B-b-b-booger face, b-b-b-booger face
(Mum mum mum mah)

I wanna roll with him a snot pair we will be
A little picking is fun when you’re with me,…

Chorus (repeat)

Retreat, FanX, and Authorpalooza

Posted on April 17, 2019 - April 17, 2019 by Joe

Just one of the many books you’ll be able to get at FanX and Authorpalooza!

So, I got really busy (and also sick) during March and the beginning of April, so I wasn’t able to post anything. Sorry.

Last week I attended my first ever author retreat, where you sit around all day and write, and write, and write, and write. I ended up with a short story that became a novelette, and is now well on its way to becoming a novella at 12.5k words and counting. We’ll see what happens. The retreat was great fun. I even prepared breakfast for dinner on one of the days (dirty scrambled eggs served with pancakes and cream cinnamon syrup). I believe the total word count among all those who attended was around 225k, so pretty good!

This coming weekend (April 19-20), I’ll be at the Bard’s Tower booth (1531, so come visit) at FanX Spring at the Salt Palace Convention Center in downtown Salt Lake City, Utah. There will be several other authors and editors at the booth, so stop by, pick up a few books, get them signed, and say “Hi!”

Next Saturday, I’ll be participating in the Spring Authorpalooza at the Orem Barnes & Noble, along with about 20 other authors. It’s free to attend and you can buy a few books, get them signed, and chat for a bit. It’ll be fun!

LTUE 2019 schedule

Posted on December 14, 2018 - December 14, 2018 by Joe

LTUE’s snazzy new logo.

Looks like I’ll be moderating three panels at Life, the Universe, & Everything in February 2019 (here’s my schedule). I’ll also be at the Trace the Stars anthology launch event on Thursday (February 14) afternoon and the mass author signing on Friday (February 15) evening. At the anthology launch, we’ll be unveiling the cover for A Dragon and Her Girl and announcing who will be in the anthology (provided we get all the contracts back in time).

LTUE is my favorite convention every year. I get to see friends I only see once or twice a year, I get to meet new people, and I get to learn a lot from a wide variety of other authors, editors, artists, and others. If you haven’t ever attended, I highly recommend it, especially if you’re an author, editor, or artist. Maybe attendance will break 2000 this year? They reached over 1700 last year, so it’s a possibility.

As a bonus (and incentive to attend), anyone who buys Trace the Stars at the symposium will get one of the matching limited edition bookmarks, while supplies last. So, come by and pick up a copy! See you there!

NaNoWriMo has begun!

Posted on November 1, 2018 - November 22, 2018 by Joe

The outline for the novel is coming along, and the writing has begun! I plan to have this novel completed by the end of the year, so I have to sort out important things that need to happen at various points, and when in the novel they need to happen. Off to a good start.

Shout out to my wife who also completed a story today and submitted it. Good luck to her!

Goals by the end of the year

Posted on October 30, 2018 - October 29, 2018 by Joe

I’m working on one short story that is about 75% done (first draft), and I will be using NaNoWriMo to kickstart my first novel. I want to finish the it (again, first draft) by the end of this year. Space dragons! Wormholes! Aim for the stars, right?

I’m also getting the Trace the Stars anthology ready to send off to the interior layout editor, and the final line edits are almost done. Only about 3.5 months until it is released, so I’m getting excited! The call is still open for the A Dragon and Her Girl benefit anthology, so if you have a story you want considered, please submit it!