Joe Monson – SF Editor & Author

Of parodies and quarantines

Posted on March 31, 2020 - March 31, 2020 by Joe

Stylized drawing of a Japanese man picking his nose with a small stick — Untitled work by Hokusai.

Everyone in the world seems to be under quarantine (of one level or another) right now thanks to the COVID-19 coronavirus. One of the effects is many people working from home as we practice the recommended “social distancing” to help slow the spread of the illness. This means more interaction with family members and exposure to things we might not otherwise hear.

For instance, my three-year-old daughter loves to listen to music and dance to it. During a recent session of this, she suddenly stopped and came over to the iPhone that was playing the music. After listening carefully, she burst out laughing and started repeating what she thought was some of the lyrics to it. As with many small kids (and even adults, sometimes), she misheard the lyrics, but that only made it funnier to her. She kept laughing and repeating her version.

People often ask writers where they get inspiration. The honest answer is: everywhere. Therefore, in the spirit of Weird Al Yankovic, I present the following parody for your enjoyment.

“Booger Face”

(to “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga)

Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah

I wanna pick ‘em like they do in toddler days
Dig ‘em let me stretch ‘em roll it baby blow with me, I love it
Snot and inhibition pick the best from in the dark
And after it’s been hooked I’ll flick it clean across the park

Oh, oh, oh
I’ll dig ‘em out, show off all my snot
Oh, oh, oh
I’ll flick them off, show off all my snot

Chorus
Can’t clean my, can’t clean my
No he can’t clean my booger face
(She’s got to clean nobody)
Can’t clean my, can’t clean my
No he can’t clean my booger face
(She’s got to clean nobody)

B-b-b-booger face, b-b-b-booger face
(Mum mum mum mah)
B-b-b-booger face, b-b-b-booger face
(Mum mum mum mah)

I wanna roll with him a snot pair we will be
A little picking is fun when you’re with me,…

Chorus (repeat)

Parliament of Wizards call for submissions is open!

Posted on March 1, 2020 - March 1, 2020 by Joe

The call for submissions for Parliament of Wizards, the fourth of the LTUE Benefit Anthologies, is now open! This anthology is in memory of Jonathan Langford, one of the founders of Life, the Universe, & Everything, an annual academic science fiction and fantasy symposium held in Provo, Utah.

Visit Hemelein Publication’s website to see the call for submissions. I (and my co-editor, Jaleta Clegg) look forward to seeing your amazing submissions!

Anthologies and babies and writing, oh my!

Posted on January 16, 2020 - January 16, 2020 by Joe

It’s been a while since I last wrote on this blog, but I have reasons. Good reasons, even.

A Dragon and Her Girl, the second of the LTUE Benefit Anthologies, is all done and ready for publishing. You can preorder it on Amazon, and it will be available on Kindle Unlimited through the end of May. On June 1, it will become available on all the ebook platforms possible.

This anthology is exciting because I got to work with one of the nicest, most gracious, and prolific authors I know: Mercedes Lackey. I’ve enjoyed her short stories for years, and eventually I’ll get around to reading some of her novels (I really haven’t read any of them, honest). She and co-author Elisabeth Waters were so kind to let us include their story in A Dragon and Her Girl. The other authors in the anthology were great to work with, too. I think I’ve been blessed to work with amazing authors so far in my editing career. It’s been a joy working with Jaleta Clegg again, too.

In December, my son (who was due at the end of January) decided he’d had enough of baking and came very early. He spent a bit of time in the NICU to make sure he wasn’t going to have any of the issues often associated with premature births. He’s home, off the CPAP, and he and mom are doing fine now.

I’ve been stuck a bit on writing because of spending all my time on the above two items. I (along with Jaleta) also finished selection for Twilight Tales, the third LTUE Benefit Anthology, due for release in February 2021. It’s a light horror (think “Twilight Zone”) anthology in honor of Betty Pope, and will feature 31 tales of light terror and woe. We are now working on selecting the theme (and the honoree) for the fourth anthology in this series.

I’m about to begin work on editing A Universe of Stories, a short collection of stories by winners of the first American Fork Library creative writing contest. This anthology gives those winners the opportunity to go through the editing process and even earn a little money from the sales of the anthology. This will be an ongoing series, published first in ebook format, with a print omnibus version available after 3-4 of the ebook anthologies have come out. I’ll post more about this anthology (and its sequels) when it gets closer to release.

If you want to pick up signed copies of Trace the Stars and A Dragon and Her Girl, I’ll be at Life, the Universe, & Everything in February. A bunch of the authors in those anthologies will be there, too. I will also have a few copies of All Made of Hinges if you’d like to read “Napoleon’s Tallest Teamster“, my clockwork android story set in 1870s France.

That’s it for now. Thanks for stopping by!

Updates on anthologies

Posted on November 18, 2019 - November 18, 2019 by Joe

I’ve been very busy the last few months since my last post. Twilight Tales, the third of the LTUE Benefit Anthologies, received more than twice the number of submissions as A Dragon and Her Girl. We (my co-editor and I) just finished reading all of the submissions and selecting the final stories.

Watch for an announcement regarding the accepted stories as soon as we receive back all of the contracts (they will be sent out over the next couple days). We are working with the cover artists (yes, there are two) for Twilight Tales, too. We will unveil the cover at LTUE this coming February, so watch for more details about that.

The final proofing for A Dragon and Her Girl is in progress, and the cover design is being finalized. Kaitlund Zupanic did an amazing job with the artwork for it, and I’m looking forward to seeing it in print.

There are a few additional things in the works that I can’t discuss yet. I hope to able to announce them soon.

Westercon 72, NASFic 2019, and more!

Posted on July 1, 2019 - July 1, 2019 by Joe

This weekend is Spikecon. It’s a combination of Westercon 72, the North American Science Fiction Convention (since Worldcon is in Dublin this year), the 1632 Minicon, Manticon, the Baen Fantasy Adventure Award, and the Chesley Awards all rolled into one big event! It’s from July 4-7 in Layton, Utah.

I have two things on my schedule:

Signing (Friday, 4:30pm, Horizon Hall)
Editing vs. Beta Reading (Saturday, 2:00pm, Meridian F)

I’m looking forward to the “Editing vs. Beta Reading” panel. I’m moderating, and Susan Chang, C.H. Hung, Melissa Meibos, and Dan Wells are the panelists who will do most of the talking. We will hopefully be able to clear up any confusion people have on the topic.

I will also be helping out a lot in the art show, so feel free to stop by there and say, “Hello!”.

See you there!